Baby Boomers: Here is Your Trophy for Walking to School in Blizzards [OPINION]
Here is your trophy for all those times you had to go to school when it was way colder and snowier than we can even comprehend. Can we stop hearing about it now?
If you head to any Facebook post about school closings, you'll find a sizable contingent of courageous individuals who overcame struggles that none of us can understand. This group is mostly comprised of baby boomers, who never even heard of the term "snow day" until the 1980s, when they were long done with school and working good paying jobs that required no college education, but still had health benefits and retirement plans.
Apparently, back in those days, you had to go to school no matter what. These brave souls will be the first to tell everyone that they had to fight off wolves during severe blizzards on a daily basis during their walk to school. On top of that, their parents hated them. Why else would you make your child walk to school in dangerously low temps or put them aboard a giant yellow steel coffin on wheels that has terrible brakes and no seatbelts when the roads are pure ice? I can't even begin to imagine the hardships these everyday heroes have endured.
For far too long, we have not properly rewarded these aging adventurers and the effects of that are starting to show. So I've decided to do right by them and honor them properly. Now, please excuse me for a moment while I address the baby boomers directly:
Dearest Boomers, you guys are better than us. You're better than our kids. Your generation is so strong. We could never survive in the conditions you were exposed to on a regular basis. We hope you understand that we acknowledge our children are genetically inferior to you, and that is why we do not send them to school in these harsh conditions. It is not meant as a slight to you, we're just on the wrong side of human evolution.
Please accept this trophy as a symbol of our eternal recognition that you are the real "greatest generation" and no one could outshine you. Ever. Hell, we're not even trying.
Now that we have properly recognized these invincible superbeings, maybe they'll stop telling us to make our kids do the polar plunge then sleep outside in negative temps to toughen them up or whatever it is that they think we should do instead of letting them stay home from school when it is legitimately dangerous for them outside and on the roads.
Now that we've gotten that settled, let's talk about cursive writing...